Thursday, October 1, 2009

Reach for the wise mind!

Simplistically speaking, our brain was designed with two parts, limbic and neo-cortex, meant to compliment each other and speak the same language. Designed with different functions, the ultimate goal of both sides of the brain is to sustain life (limbic) – and to sustain it with quality (neo-cortex).

When we are born, the neo-cortex has not fully developed and therefore we cannot reason as babies. It’s for this reason that you can’t introduce a baby to its mother and father. Instead, the baby learns relationship based upon experience and emotion – not logic. All other relationships are learned in the same way and are built upon these initial learning experiences. The neo-cortex develops significantly during our first five years of life and isn’t finished until our mid 20’s.

The limbic system, on the other hand, is in full swing at birth. Taking in every event and tagging them, the young baby begins to understand the world based upon the feelings it gets from responses to each event. Every event and sight the baby takes in is tagged by an emotional response related to life or death. If it’s good, the limbic brain wants to repeat the experience. If it’s negative, the limbic system tries to avoid it.

As the child grows and the neo-cortex begins to develop, logic is added to the many messages already printed upon the brain. Ideally, these two parts of the brain will speak the same language. A baby learns by experience the warmth and affection of a mother is a good thing. As a child, he/she later learns logically that mothers are our caretakers and can therefore be trusted. Both parts of the brain are speaking the same language. Peace and joy are the resulting factors. Bonding and relationships are the healthy foundation for this child.

However, if the child suffers abuse or abandonment, the emotions within the child are vastly different from the information received. The child emotionally learns that the world is not a safe place and he/she must be hyper-vigilant (always on the lookout) for things that might cause harm or to care for itself. When taught that families are where we are loved and safe, this child’s brain begins speaking two different languages. The logic side doesn’t agree with the emotional side. We call this a limbic lag – meaning the limbic is lagging behind what logic would otherwise tell it. This creates stress with peace and joy being thwarted.

As shown in the diagram to the right, the emotional brain (limbic) and the logical brain (neo-cortex) are separated due to conflicting information. We call the limbic system our emotional brain, and the neo-cortex our logical brain. When decisions have to be made, or responses are necessary, how does the body know which side of the brain to listen to in order to generate a response?

Much of our decision-making skills lies in the stress factor of our life. Stress is obviously expressed through our emotions - so we can intuitively tell that it is the emotional side of the brain that is in high gear during these times.

We make poor choices in times of high stress because the two sides of the brain are working opposite of each other. When stress levels rise, our ability to reason (logic) diminishes. When stress levels are brought down our ability to reason increases. Choices made solely from the logic side of the brain can often appear cold and calculated.

In normal (low stress) states, the neo-cortex can override and shut down the limbic system if necessary by pulling information and analyzing the situation. Thus an emotional response is over-ridden by a logical thought. Yet, in times of high stress, the limbic system will usually bypass the neo-cortex system and shut down our ability to make wise choices. The limbic system could care less what logic the brain might carry with it. Choices made solely from the emotional side of the brain can often appear to lack intelligence, be irrational - or stupid!

However, if we can learn to operate in the area that the two parts of the brain overlap, we can make wise choices by using both our logic and our emotions. We call this the wise mind. We all know of times when our emotional responses have harmed us. It’s our emotional responses that cause us to not follow through on goals, New Year’s resolutions, or maintain our value systems.

We also know of times that we've shut off emotions to our detriment. The use of the logic part of the brain without engaging emotion will cause isolation and independence. It’s the emotion side of the brain that promotes bonding. Like animals that herd, there is safety in flocks and herds. It’s that animal part of our brain that lets us trust others, yet also causes us to doubt others. Without the emotional side of our brain we lack the ability to bond to others for support, safety and comfort.

The further apart these two parts of the brain are in relating, the less ability we have to make wise choices. Our goal is to identify the instances in our lives where the logic and emotion are not in sync in order to avoid quick reactions. We then need to find where the ‘wise mind’ operates – even if it’s minimal - in order to increase those experiences.

The limbic system learns by experience. The neo-cortex learns by information. A person wants to bond and trust others based on the information that tells them that relationships are valuable. But their instincts or gut responses push people away based upon the experiences they've had over time. The limbic system will never be healed by learning more information, attending one more seminar or being told once again by someone. It will only heal when it experiences the opposite of what it's logged as dangerous. In times of low stress, such a person will most often reach out in a healthy way to be in relationship.

However, in times of high stress this person will sabotage relationships with their behavior. So you can see how stress levels greatly impact our ability to be emotionally stable. In addition, we need to move toward the very things we're reacting to out of fear and overcome those faulty belief systems with new behaviors.

This means we have to continually learn information and put it into practice in order to re-wire and heal the limbic responses. Each effort challenges old belief systems and forms new pathways for the brain to think and respond, bringing the two sides closer in communication.

We need each other during this process. It's a give and take process. There are times and situations in our lives where our ‘wise mind’ is larger (plenty of overlap in the two parts of the brain) than other instances. During these times we seem stronger and more able to make wise choices. Less damage has been done to us emotionally in these areas. This is where we help others - we give from our surplus.

On the other hand, the times when our ‘wise mind’ is more narrow (little overlap of the two parts of the brain) are when we make sloppy and quick choices that aren’t effective or beneficial. It’s important to ask for and receive help from others during these times. Obedience to what we know rather than what we feel will reflect our willingness during these times.

We all have areas in our lives where we are strong and able to make wise decisions. Each of us also have areas in our lives where we lack the strength to make wise decisions. Where are you lagging? Identify at least one area where you’ve responded from a limbic lag. Have you ever set a New Year's resolution or goal only to give up? This can be a clue to an area that you are unable to make wise choices and have a limbic lag and in times of stress you give in.

You may have heard that addiction is a disease - that some people are predisposed to falling into addictive behavior. Many people consider addictive behavior to be sin rather than a disease - something bad that someone does. Unfortunately, it's not that simple. Addictive behavior is a coping mechanism. It's a learned behavior that is triggered by cravings in the brain. The good news is that the brain can heal itself. But it is a long process and anyone struggling with addictive behavior must have a solid support system around them with strong accountability. This is a mixture of the cheerleader and a coach.

Think about the last time that you were 'really stressed out!' So much so that your emotions were stronger than they should have been and they got the better of you. How easy was it for you to make wise decisions during that time compared to a time when your emotions were relatively low?

Now think back to how you handled the situation. How was your body feeling inside? What urges did you have? What thoughts were going through your mind? How did your stress show itself physically - that is, what would someone else have been able to see with their eyes? Compare your response with other times that you've experienced high levels of stress. Do you see patterns of how you cope?

Some people yell, some throw things, some go silent, some cry...but the ways to cope go on and on...and yes, some turn to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain. This is a sad but real way of coping. The chemicals in the drugs/alcohol affect the brain in a way that the body finds that it can ignore the stress/pain that the person is experiencing. Remember, the limbic system is constantly seeking to attain to a balanced state that feels normal even if it's in a way that is unhealthy.

We first learn from others how to cope. Then those around us affirm or reject our ways of coping and we modify our behavior to 'fit in.' Someone who learned from a young age to scream obscenities might, for example, have learned that this got the attention of those around him/her. As an adult, however, they probably found that this wasn't an acceptable way of coping with stress and therefore learned to curb his/her behavior.

But the brain has tagged such emotional events with a high level of satisfaction received from being heard. Unless this person learns how to be heard in a healthy way and thus obtain the same satisfaction, the brain will want to resort to the old way in order to obtain this satisfaction. Thus a craving is created. The craving is to achieve the same response that felt good rather than be proper and yet unsatisfied.

Here is something you can try on your own to better understand how the brain searches for the easiest pathway to achieve its goal. Take a pen and piece of paper out. Write your name as many times as you can, as neatly as you can for 30 seconds. Next, turn the paper over and do the same thing only this time use your other hand to write with. How did that feel? You probably would say something like it is uncomfortable, slow and sloppy to write with the other hand.

Now, think about how you'd feel if I told you that you must always write with the other hand for the rest of your life. You can not go back to writing with the hand that you're used to writing with. You would probably feel some anxiety. This is what it feels like - only magnified - to anyone trying to give up an old behavior or addiction.

Now, consider yourself at the grocery store line writing a check. (You have no ATM!) All is well as you slowly complete the check but then you notice that the line behind you is getting longer every second and there are no other checkstands for anyone to go through. How would you want to respond? You would most likely want to throw your pen in the other hand and do what you know how to do best, right? That's the craving that those trying to break an old behavior or addiction feel like when stress levels rise.

We'll talk about cravings in the next post - but this is, very simplistically, how addictions begin. The emotional brain (limbic) doesn't care about how it's supposed to behave - it only wants satisfaction at any cost in order to feel okay and normal again. Many of us are affected by addiction somewhere in our lives - whether it is socially acceptable addictions or not socially acceptable addictions. If you don't identify with this, odds are that you'll know someone at some point who has an addictive personality.

When you do have to deal with this personally or alongside another, I hope that this blog will help you to better understand what is happening in the brain and begin to bring healing rather than judgment. There is hope for the addict - drugs, food, work, sex, shopping, sleeping, drama...you name it - there is hope.

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