Knock someone's socks off today!

Who are you? How would you describe yourself to a stranger? How would you present yourself to old friends at a reunion? Are you your job? Are you a wife/husband; parent; or are you defined by character traits of yours? How would others define you? Take a minute and write out what you affirm as your identity.

Consider the following questions regarding ‘who you are.’

1. Do circumstances change the core of who you are? Consider any description of who you identify yourself as and determine how you would function if it were removed.

2. Does the opinion(s) of others change the core of who you are? If you describe yourself as a hard worker, would it weaken your identity if someone didn't think of you as a hard worker? How do you respond to a situation like that?

3. Does your opinion change the core of who you are? If someone saw a quality in you that you didn't agree with, would it change the truth? Or would it change your reality?

4. Who defines you? You give power to anyone that you allow define you. If you've taken on a role because someone else has told you to (you're stupid, you can never do that, etc.) then they have power over you - your confidence. If you define yourself you are limited by the filters that you live within. Why not let God define you? What would He say about you? Who are you to Him? He made you in His image and He also made you unique. He doesn't see you through the filters that we do. He isn't subject to the opinions that we are.

Three successes: Principle of ABT – Magnify what’s best – focus on what’s next! This principle requires that you be keenly aware of who you are and what you’re capable of. Take a moment and list three small recent successes.

1. _______________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________
3. _______________________________________________

Begin to focus on these (and other) small successes rather than the short-comings. When you magnify what’s best, it’s easier to focus on what’s next. Be careful – don’t take your eyes off of these or doubt and fear will take its place. The choice is yours. It starts from the inside and becomes evident on the outside – not the other way around.

What's next? What are your goals. Let's say that in 5 years you want to have accomplished "xyz" or that when you die you want to be known for "xyz." It's the small steps that you take today that will get you there. You won't just wake up one morning and have accomplished goals, it's the day to day decisions that we make all of the time that are the sum of who we are.

Goal setting: Start your day with five minutes to focus on what you want. What are your goals? What kind of parent do you want to be? What do you want your kids to turn out like? What kind of spouse, worker, employer, etc. do you want to be known as? Get these goals in your mind so that you step in that direction intentionally rather than by waiting to accidentally succeeding.

What would you have to do today to get closer to that goal?

Begin finding small successes for you to build upon. Avoid the need for perfection!!! Allow yourself to make mistakes and love yourself in spite of them. Sometimes the wrong way can open us up to new experiences. Rather than beat yourself up for these times, learn to enjoy the moment. When facing a challenging situation where you doubt yourself, try this exercise.

1. Tell yourself out loud what you are expecting. We often lack success because we either don’t define what we expect or our expectations are too high. Set a reasonable expectation. Don’t demand perfection.

2. Imagine the worst-case scenario. Next to that imagine the best-case scenario.

3. Choose to filter out the images of the worst-case scenario by checking the facts and making a plan to deal with them. Watch yourself going towards the best-case scenario.

4. Feel the challenge rather than the threat.

5. The next step is to radically accept the outcome. Praise yourself for any part of the success even if you stumbled. Do you know that many people stop short of success because they're actually afraid of maintaining success?

6. Ask yourself what skills you have to do something different next time or what you learned so you can be pro-active next time.

Both DBT and ABT are addictive! Which will you feed? Rather than using the negative energy of DBT that is constantly on high alert (anxiety), trade the adrenaline being pumped for energy that is turning on your imagination for outcomes! Visualize the possible. Visualize yourself being resourceful. The story isn’t over yet – each day gives you the opportunity to begin again!

Knock someone’s socks off today!

End the day by telling yourself an ABT bedtime story. Just before you fall asleep, review the day’s events and create a story from the point of view of how you realized your vision for the day. Recount the goals you pursued and how you made strides. Note all tangible evidences of success. Ask yourself, “Whose socks did I knock off today?”